![]() This also works in the reverse: Penzel has written, "if happens to be homosexual, they may obsess about the possibility that they might really be straight." I began to be convinced that I was gay, and that these undesired thoughts were just a part of growing up. During basketball practice, I would think of fondling my classmates' breasts through our white cotton gym shirts and cross my arms in horror. Though I've never been sexually or romantically interested in women, as a child I was inundated with thoughts of performing cunnilingus on classmates. In general, the violent and sexual obsessions that plague OCD patients actually repulse them. Penzel said that the obsessive thoughts themselves are "mostly nonsense, and should never be taken literally." When I had thoughts of hurting people I loved, I would kiss or press my tongue to the floor, recalling a ritual I’d seen in church. They just heard 'harm my child,'" Penzel said. One woman fell into Penzel's care after her first therapist called the state's Child Protective Services after hearing the woman's fear of harming her child.Īnother patient called Penzel from the maternity ward after she had given birth, explaining that hospital personnel had listened to her fears of harming her child and taken the infant away. This content-thoughts of murder and pedophilia-can misdirect the treatment of OCD sufferers, pushing them toward the disciplinary system, rather than a mental health professional’s office. The content is irrelevant," Penzel told me. Secondly, most people tend to get too distracted by the content of the obsessions. "Most people don't understand OCD at all, to begin with. ![]() He said that sexual and morbid obsessions crop up consistently in his conversations with patients. I wanted to tell my mother-but then how to explain I might kill her? To try to reverse the thoughts, I imagined turning the knife on myself instead.įred Penzel, Ph.D., is a founding member of the International ObsessiveCompulsive Disorder Foundation (IOCDF) and currently sits on its Science Advisory Board. My Catholic upbringing sent me to my knees-every 15 minutes, 60 times a day-praying that I wouldn't "hurt or kill anyone, please." Believing myself to be possessed by the devil, I began researching exorcisms. Though at 13 I was still a child myself, I was terrified of molesting children, and could already see the newspaper headlines and the interminable jail sentence. I avoided knives for years, because in their vicinity I feared I would lose control and stab my mother. Abstract pamphlet language-"recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses or images"-doesn't necessarily register in a nonsufferer's mind as graphic or violent.īut the worry that "something bad will happen" is not an ephemeral, occasional threat for OCD sufferers. It is easier for them to understand repetitive hand-washing than, say, the fear of murdering your parents. In discussions about OCD with family and friends, I've observed that it is easier for others to adjust to compulsions they can see rather than obsessions they can't. For example: A woman, distraught by visions of murdering her child, wakes up several times in the night to check on her daughter. The content of these obsessions can range from pedophilia to homicide to sexual identity crises compulsions “atoning for” the thoughts sometimes follow. Comparatively less attention, meanwhile, is given to the obsessive thoughts that characterize the other half of OCD. (Cameron Diaz is rumored to open doorknobs with her elbows Howard Stern taps his car radio dial for a certain length of time before switching it on.) It is easier for others to adjust to compulsions they can see rather than obsessions they can't.Ĭompulsive tics steal most of the limelight when it comes to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. These interviews mention little more than minor compulsions. If I google "celebrities with OCD," I discover that I share my disorder with Cameron Diaz, Howard Stern, and Jesse Eisenberg. This comment, often traded among high school girls, usually regards someone’s organizational skills: properly spaced tab dividers, arrays of multicolored pens, or an especially neat locker.
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